oh the guilt. You've heard it all before. Mom goes back to work. Feels guilty that she's not spending enough time with her kids. Mom worries that her kids won't know who she is. Or worse, they won't be "well adjusted". Whatever that means.
My guilt feels different. I love being back at work. I love that Maddy gets to spend her day with other kids. And I love that I can accomplish so much in one day. But with that comes the guilt that I feel great about this. Shouldn't I want to play with my daughter all day? Shouldn't I want to be the one who spends every minute with her? What kind of mother actually wants to work instead of spending all day with her kids!! Am I crazy?? The truth is, I don't have to work, from a financial perspective. We could pack up our stuff and move to the suburbs where we could afford a bigger house and probably live comfortably on M's salary. But I choose to work instead. It goes without saying that I love my daughter more than anything. She is without a doubt the best thing in my life. I'm just not one of those mothers who can spend all day with a child and not do anything else. I need the mental stimulation. But with this comes the guilt that I am actually enjoying my time at work. I'm pretty sure Michael has never felt guilty about working and not being at home. It's just the way it goes!
The good news is that I think working full time has actually made me a better mother. A more focused mother. When I'm with her in the mornings, at night and on weekends she gets all of my attention and I don't take that time for granted. I miss her like crazy during the day and I'm so excited to see her at 5pm. So far, we're doing okay!! It'll be interesting to see how I feel 5 months from now. Remind me to update you all.